Put The Knife Down Girl

from Cerulean Impulses by Mattie Konig

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lyrics

Finding myself doing a lot of languishing
Lectureless since I starved myself in October
Fake compliments for truth and dare don’t raise my hopes
I want a hug but I guess we both know that isn’t going to happen

Finding myself doing a lot of anguishing
Wondering how I let myself regress to Saturday morning infantdom
Every interpersonal interaction offline a bust
My feet are at Moorgate and the carpet under my feet

Finding myself doing a lot of brandishing
Of dressing gown belt nooses soon to be wrapped around my Eve’s apple
Going outside on the dawn of the new age and finding a suitable tree
How I stopped myself I’ll steal it nobody will ever know

…tuneless tune and hairy hands and screaming soul and broken brain and fire alarms and muscle man and social skills and arnold layne and…

can you hear me?

yes I can hear you
and I know what to do

in the kitchen
first drawer on the left
there I will find it

bring it back to my room
undress

raise
lower to flesh

make in-cis-ion

and cut

and cut

and cut

PUT THE KNIFE DOWN GIRL

And finally
After twenty years of thrashing
The bulletproof window shatters

Shredded to ribbons
Delicate pink silk ones
That flutter and fall ever so gracelessly
And land right by my tummy
More shit for the cleaners along with all the blood

All my misgivings and all of my outbursts and all of my slights
Boiled down to one ugly and unconvincing moment

I’m not some evil mastermind
Plotting and planning on how best to ruin people’s lives
Bad hubris just accompanies me on my quest to figure things out
A constant spectre that taints everyone it meets

They say some people should never be allowed to sing
Well it’s a good thing my song is almost done

You don’t have to deal with all your problems if you haven’t got a consciousness to house them in anymore
Picture of that man tapping his head and smiling like he knows something I don’t
Oh just let’s end this once and for all

Every fight is the same
And this last fight’s so bad for me
I’ve got no more strength left in me
Just enough energy to do
What should’ve been done long ago

PUT
THE
KNIFE
DOWN
GIRL

credits

from Cerulean Impulses, released April 14, 2017

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Mattie Konig UK

Eclectic progressive music from the weirdest trans woman in all the West Country. How's it going?

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