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lyrics

This time I really messed it up
Ignorance and want clouded my vision
And despite my longing to do good
I ended up causing so much harm instead
Until I was rightfully vilified and banished

I had a feeling it would come one day
I knew it was inevitable
An error too far
The last of many

Burdens that I never meant to induce
Fears that I never meant to plant
People that I never meant to pain

Too late for them
Too late for me
To rectify and make change
No apology or amends can help
No promises

I bore a barbed wire cross
Hubris in old complicated things
The wasted years and wounded friends
The ideas that no longer represented me

And I had to say goodbye to them
When I knew that they were mad
And I promised I wouldn’t hurt them
Ever again

I promised
Over and over and over
Until nothing was left
And I died
And I died
And I died

But it’s not too late

I know I pained others and made mistakes
And for that I can only apologise
But it’s not the end of my life
It’s a learning experience
It’s a work in progress
It’s my journey

It’s not too late to fix my broken brain
And this time I’ll fix it better
I promise

I’ll identify my past wrongs
Take measures to prevent repeats
Let those who hate me leave my life
And let those who love me surround me with their love

This time I want to show you
The human being I could become
A lovely kind of selfless girl
A hug personified

And if I have to say goodbye
When I know that you are sad
Then I promise this is a happy ending
For you and me

I’ll promise
Over and over and over
Until I’m born again
And I’ll live
And I’ll live
And I’ll live

I will soar from the ashes
like a true flyer with wings

And the love inside of me
will shine brighter than the sun

I will swim cerulean oceans
leaving impulses behind

I’ll become the Mattie that I want to be
and that’s a promise.

credits

from Cerulean Impulses, released April 14, 2017

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Mattie Konig UK

Eclectic experimental progressive music from the weirdest trans woman in all the West Country. How's it going?

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