I’m going down the Algarve (To the Amendoeira golf resort) For a half-week of sun and sand (In a four bedroom house with a swimming pool) Wouldn’t you like to come down (Heróis do mar nobre povo) To this olive and pleasant land (Where the sun always shines but sets fast) But before we get there We’ve still got to get through All the airborne hurdles And our flight’s departing now I’m shopping in the Algarve (You could stop and try the fruit from the orange groves) But my mind is all at sea (Or a greasy bucket of Portuguese chicken slop) Why won’t you let me know (You could stop at five or six stores or maybe just one) What the hell is wrong with me (And prepare for the words “I think she’s actually a man”) Roadside stalls Open air malls Room service calls Eighteen over par Chapel of skulls Sandy shores City walls Old rental car All this and more All this and less All of this goes straight through my head Through the cracks in my mind Oh my Amendoeira Farewell my Amendoeira I’m gonna miss the Algarve And her promise of sun and sand I hope I come back one day To this olive and pleasant land

Every night is the same But that same’s not so bad for me I’ve got good friends for company And a whole lot of fun and games But I know I can’t live my whole life this way And soon one day I’ll have to move on And when that day comes I will smile and I’ll cry And I’ll say goodbye To slow fading dreams To times when it was better When it was better When you were better When I was better I’ll hold every night dear Every word, call, and doodle trade They’ve helped shape my identity And they’ve helped me along the way But I know I can’t live my whole life this way And soon one day I’ll have to move on And when that day comes I will smile and I’ll cry And I’ll sing this song Of slow fading dreams Of times when it was better When it was better When I was better When you were better When my nights were better

PART 1: The Convention There’s a sense of apprehension as the DLR takes me east Through the reclaimed docks and yards and past the gleaming island towers There’s a dozen hyped up faces pressed against the window pane Spilling out and up the stairs and past the blue glass pyramid Now’s the time for our kind to celebrate All the things that bring us together Now’s the time for our kind to convene At the place where all our dreams come alive There’s a thousand costumed figures in a cramped and airless hall Milling round to browse the stalls and meet their idols at their tables There’s a thousand angry voices screaming bad words in my head And behind me there’s one more that’s saying please could we slow down Now’s the time for us to commiserate All the things that make us look bad Garbage on the lawn People sneaking in Getting unsolicited glomp attacks There’s the REDs and there’s the BLUs and there’s that ginger mystery gal There’s the robots fish and goats and over there’s a talking flower There’s a clumsy space marine and there’s a dozen mercs with mouths There’s a representative for every fandom that exists Yes all our dreams are dying PART 2: The Realisation Covent Garden was lovely that time of year Mimes in the plaza Mirrors on the wall And a blue haired kid Mantra headed Over and over I don’t want to be a boy PART 3: The Jubilation Take a leaf out of my book and stumble round the Camden markets mind-a-blink and nothing bought ‘cos all the bloody stalls were closing anyway ‘cos I arrived TOO FUCKIN’ LATE Take a leaf out of my book and shave yer tum and legs and arms and wear a dress and slap a TERF because she probably had it fuckin’ going for her, didn’t she, THEY ALL DO Now’s the time for me to appreciate All the things that make me feel good Kisses on the neck Flowers on my shirt Friends who call me sweetheart, girl, and she/her/hers Now’s the time for us to appreciate All the things that make us feel cute Hair below the neck Shoulders sticking wide None of that a drag to femininity

I laughed when 'chelle’s dress made Stephen go all sour I laughed when Hennity closed the bureau for an hour I laughed when David sang of girls from outer space I laughed when Medibot fucked up Jack Morgan’s face Humour I like a bit of humour I love a bit of humour I like to have a laugh Oh humour Can’t live without humour Can’t smile without humour What use is life if I don’t get to laugh I laugh at dorky puns and upper case words I laugh at callbacks to things you’ve never heard of I laugh at nonsense stuff like cream of those snish I laugh at running gags retold by junkbinch Humour I like a bit of humour I love a bit of humour I like to have a laugh Oh humour Can’t live without humour Can’t smile without humour What use is life if I don’t get to laugh ͡I͠’l͢l͘ laug̸h̸ i͡f I ̷e̶s͡cape̕ ̸t́ḩę s̕o͞urc͜e ͜óf al͏l̷ ͏my wo҉es҉ I͡’ll͝ ͘la̸u̴g͢h ̸i̕f͞ I҉’̧m ̷f͞reed f͡ro͜m ̵th͏e ͡c̷lu҉t̸ch̡ès ͢o̶f ́my̸ ͏f̕ơe̸s̀ I’҉l̷l ͢l͝aúg͡h҉ ҉i̛f͜ ͞t҉hose w̨h̀o’̧v͢e͜ ̀hu͠r͢ţ me m̷eét a ́g̶r͠is҉l͢y̨ ͞e͞nd ͢I’͡l͠l̷ ̡l̢augh i̸f k̕har͏m̴a͟ stri͏ke̴s t͢h́o͘şe t̛oxic f͢òrmer͜ ͝f̷r͟ieņd̛s

What will be If I don’t lower my hand And bring life to the lines Will it be That I don’t find my friend Or bring light to his life Who will be That friend won’t have the end I bring now to this life It’s absurd How it has governed my ways For half a decade It’s no crime But it’s still stigmatised Unfairly all the time It’s not right You’ve got it all mixed up They’re not the same thing Do you see the risk involved if you go this way How you see things will change Never the same again Once you start you won’t have time to stop or restart Even if you say no No way in no way out Doing this could be the worst mistake you make Never the same again No way in no way out Don’t feel bad You did nothing wrong It’s ok I did nothing wrong I shouldn’t see Box toppers for the life of me Box toppers to the right of me FLESH STRETCHING GUT AND MEAT TO FLESH. MEAT STRETCHING LEG AND FLESH TO MEAT. FLESH STRETCHING ARM AND MEAT TO FLESH. MEAT STRETCHING BREAST AND FLESH TO MEAT. FLESH STRETCHING FACE AND MEAT TO FLESH. MEAT STRETCHING CHIN AND FLESH TO MEAT. AND STRETCH AND RIP AND TEAR. ... Who’s got the useless hands Who’s got the vacant face Who’s got the dirty chins Who’s got the idle mind Keep it away from me Don’t let my friendos see EXS24 Dump SHE WITH THE USELESS HANDS HE WITH THE VACANT FACE SHE WITH THE DIRTY CHINS HE WITH THE IDLE MIND WHY WOULD THEY GO THIS FAR NEVER THE SAME AGAIN NO WAY IN NO WAY OUT Comparison dodgeball go for a run nice day nod and a wink oh gosh what happened to me door stuck please I beg you I’m not so strong I’m not so strong I’m not so strong Enabler Clothes with no bodies No bodies I shared confessions To the right of me But no bodies From toe to tip No bodies But I will not take this one To the bank Here at last your motley parliament of traitors Lose the keys to their keij No way in no way out Sprawled supine on thrones of hippinite and gold Lords of their crooked realm Never the same again Magic straws on dirty floors and virus twenty No way in no way out Never the same again Don’t feel bad You’re not one of them It’s ok I’m not one of them I never thought Box toppers were the life in me Box toppers were the fight in me FLESH STRETCHING BEAK AND MEAT TO FLESH. MEAT STRETCHING TUFT AND FLESH TO MEAT. FLESH STRETCHING GAPE AND MEAT TO FLESH. MEAT STRETCHING CREST AND FLESH TO MEAT. We've got rags on sticks This time I'll spare Tolya This time I'll spare Toby This time I'll spare Sophia This time I'll spare Sally RUIN YOUR OWN DAMN DAY

Feels like life has dealt you a losing card When the life you’re given is all wrong Feels like no one sees who you really are No one lets you sing your own song They’ll say you’ll always stay The way they raised you since you were born But fuck them, they don’t define you So take their outdated standards and leave them behind you Come on gal, don’t be shy Now’s your time to shine, shine bright Take a breath, say it loud You’re gonna sing your song and sing it proud Wear the pink white and blue You’re gonna rock that look You’re gonna show the world the gal you’re meant to be New sisters Now you’ve found you’re not who they thought you were There’s a better you and she’s coming soon Now you’ve got to hold on a little more ’Til you burst away from from that cocoon They’ll say it’s just a phase They’ll make excuses to hold you back But fuck them, they can’t control you So take their cliched assumptions and leave them behind you Come on gal, don’t be shy Now’s your time to shine, shine bright Take a breath, say it loud You’re gonna sing your song and sing it proud Wear the pink white and blue You’re gonna rock that look You’re gonna show the world the gal you’re meant to be New sisters It’s not over yet We cannot forget The ones we lost on this dangerous path If you’re not safe Try to escape And may you rest easy, sleep, eat, and pass All this and more All this and less That’s all I want for those girls They’ll say you’re not a real one They want their hatred to push you down But fuck them, they stand below you So take their spite fear and anger and leave them behind you You’re a new sister You’re no phoney gal You are beautiful You’re no freak or foe You are here to fight You’re not here to die You're gonna take a stand and show them who you are

I’m so so sorry Just let me make my point And hear me out for I meant no harm I never wanted to hurt another soul Or make them scared or Make them uncomfortable Or make them think I had bad intentions But it’s too late and I know what’s done is done So please if you think I’m funny or kind or a sweetheart then steer clear and make sure I don’t pull you into my own little world You’ve got to fly And I’m a false flyer with wings I’m so so sorry Just mark me damaged goods And store me safely up in the attic Where I’m not able to hurt another soul Or lay me down Before the 22 Or throw me into the Thames or Exe Or dome the park and fly me into the sun But please if you think I’m too good to wither away then you thought wrong ‘cos I’m not the one you should focus your energies on just be kind to yourself and fly You’re not a false flyer with wings I’m not so sorry Why should I make my point When you’re the ones who have taken umbrage With my desire to live the way I need To tell the truth When all is said and done I won’t need anyone in my life You’ll only try and conspire to make it worse I’m not so sorry But I am damaged goods No normal person would have a mind Clogged up with railways and birds and pretty skirts For what it’s worth When this song’s sung and done I know you’ll find me all bloody throated Dead in the bog of my humid Glasney dorm So please if you think I need help or matter then kindly fuck off ‘cos I know you’re just lying and I need to stop my wing clippers from spreading ‘cos you’ve got to fly you’ve got to fly you’ve got to fly you’ve got to fly you’ve got to fly you’ve got to fly you’ve got to fly you’ve got to fly Sorry I’ve just had a bad night Life’s not as bad as this song makes it seem Sorry I just had to vent But now I’m fine and now I can move on I can tell myself it’s all OK I know I’ll fly I’m just a bad liar who sings Here Comes A Special Girl